Originally not aired on 30/08/22

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It’s over. 

Later today I will be packing my suitcase, zipping it up, realising I’ve forgotten to pack something, unzipping it, packing the forgotten item, and then heading back to Birmingham.

 

My bags will be heavy, but the heaviest bags will be the ones under my eyes. This last month at the Fringe has been a rollercoster ride – in that it’s been largely pointless and arguably quite a childish way of spending my time.

 

I’m so tired. It’s only been a month, but I feel like I’ve aged around three months – it’s absolutely staggering what this place does to you.

 

But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a bit sad it was over, and I’d also be lying if I said I wasn’t incredibly well-endowed. So I’m going to be honest with you: I’m a sad, well-hung boy.

 

Which brings me to my final guest of this year’s “Comedians In Edinburgh Getting Chai Lattes”, Finlay Christie.

 

I’m not sure if he’s well-hung, but Finlay is certainly well young. Only 23 years old, Finlay has already achieved more than most of his peers ever will. He’s been on TV, has over 200k subscribers on YouTube, over 170k followers on TikTok, and most importantly, he knows how to talk to girls.

 

“How do you do it?” I asked him, as I sipped on my final chai of the Fringe.

 

“It’s really just a case of being confident, good looking and incredibly famous,” he replied.

 

“Interesting.”

 

Finlay certainly isn’t shy about his success, telling me he’d just been for a meeting with a Sky executive before coming to do the podcast.

 

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little bit jealous and also still very well-endowed.

 

“I’ve struggled to get any TV people to come and see my show,” I admitted. “It’s been a bit disheartening.”

 

“My agent told me he’s never had so much interest from producers,” Finlay replied, sympathetically.

 

I don’t begrudge Finlay his success – he’s earned it. Finlay’s comedy is mainly about him being part of Gen Z (people born after 1997) and with such sharp comedic insights as “don’t I look young” and “wow, this crowd is pretty old” Finlay isn’t just a comedian who makes you laugh, he’s one who makes you think.

 

I’m just a 26 year-old washed up millennial. Ancient, bitter, and nothing left to offer. Maybe it’s time I hung up my boots and left it to the youngsters. In my day TikTok was a song by Kesha, now it’s the only way you can make it in this world. Long-form, unrecorded podcasts are out, and short, attention-grabbing clips are in.

 

I looked at Finlay’s soft, successful face and it reminded me of everything I’ve lost. I was 23 when we went into the pandemic, the same age Finlay is now. I had that time snatched away from me. I had no idea what I had, all that potential was thrown away. 

 

Life is so fragile, and if I had anything to offer Finlay it was the advice to seize every single moment.

 

“You may not believe this, Finlay,” I said. “But one day you’ll end up like me. I know I’m old and you’re probably not gonna listen, but I just hope you enjoy this time because there’s a generation behind you with even softer skin and even shorter social media clips, and they’re ready to take your place too. All you can do is squeeze every last drop out of the time you have left.”

 

There was a pause. I looked up from my chai and Finlay was on his phone.

 

“Sorry mate, I’m just making a TikTok”

 

See you next year! X