FAQ

Hey, it’s me, Eric (Rushton). Now I’m sick to death of my email being flooded with the same questions, so I’ve decided to add this FAQs section to my website. I hope you find it informative and if you have any questions not on this list then go ahead and send an email to your ball-sack mate because I’m not interested.

What does FAQ stand for?

Okay, if you’re asking this question, then you have no place on this website.

Why?

Seriously? I’m not gonna waste my time answering stupid questions. I have other things to be doing with my precious time. Next question.

Do you know what FAQ stands for?

Yeah, obviously. I’m not an idiot.

I don’t think you do.

That’s not a question mate, that’s a statement.

You’re deflecting. Prove to me that you know what FAQ stands for.

Erm… Well… the only person I need to prove anything to is myself.

I really don’t think you know what it stands for.

“I really don’t think you know what it stands for.” That’s you mate. That’s what you sound like. And in case it didn’t come across in writing, I was saying that in mock-baby voice that made you sound stupid.

Do you find it easy to feel secure in yourself without bringing down others?

What are you, a therapist or something?

No, but I’ve been looking around your site and you seem like a very insecure man quite frankly.

Well, that’s kind of the act mate. It’s a persona, a character, whatever you want to call it.

Really?

Yes, really.

Remember that video of you where the woman says you have bad posture?

Yeah, what about it? It got a great reaction on Facebook.

I’ve seen the uncut version, where you spend a good five minutes really starting to breakdown, making everyone uncomfortable, directly asking almost everybody on the front row what they think of your physical appearance. If it was a part of the act then why would you carry on with it even when you start to alienate the audience?

I… Ermm… How did you even get that?
 

And that message you sent to Emily Norton yesterday, where after her complimenting your stand-up video, you responded, “Do you think my arms look to skinny though? Like I do appreciate you saying you liked it, but do you even think comedy matters, and like do girls care about how funny you are or is it about biceps. Like as a percentage how much would you say it’s about funniness and how much is it about the body. Not that I’m asking you in a weird way. Like please don’t think I’m being creepy towards you, it’s just I don’t know how people feel about these things and you never get the opportunity to just ask directly. Maybe life would be better if we did just say these things directly. I’m so insecure Emily. I’ve been exercising a bit so I think that’s improving my body but I just get in these moods as well where it’s like so heavy like nothing I do matters. I’ve been on citalopram for a while and it does help but then it takes away that sense of achievement on the good days because you just think it’s the pills and then on the bad days you blame yourself-”

Okay stop, you don’t need to put the whole thing.

Was that message part of your “persona”?

Who are you? Just stop okay. Please just stop.

Just answer the question, Eric, and I’ll go. What does FAQ stand for?

Ermm… Okay fine it’s… it’s… firmly… erm… forcefully… appreciated… acquired? Erm… query? Quiz… Oh I don’t know, okay. I admit it! I’m an idiot and I dunno what FAQ stands for and I’m insecure about my arms and yes it’s more than a character okay much much more, but it’s one thing to sit there and ask questions and embarrass me, but how about you ask yourself some questions okay. Because I’m trying to figure it all out, I’m really really trying, and criticising and analysing and hacking into other people’s messenger accounts is a piece of piss mate. But you know what’s difficult – maintaining the motivation to keep figuring things out when you don’t have a fucking clue where to start. Now, do you have any other questions?

Where was your first gig?

Leamington Spa.