Originally not aired on ??/??/????

Go on, then.

Hide away. Isolate yourself. Panic.

 

You can take all the precautions you want, but eventually you’re gonna wanna start living life again. You’re gonna wanna go back to the workplace. Or use public transport. Or go to the shops. The thing you’re afraid of is everywhere.

 

And, no, I’m not talking about the Coronavirus… I’m talking about WOMEN.

 

For too long in society we’ve treated women like some kind of infection. Viral agents that get in the way and halt societal progress with their nagging. But I’m here with another episode of “When Eric Met Females” to tell you that assumption is wrong. Women are much more than the rigid gender roles we assign them. They’re your mother; they’re your sister; they’re your nurse; but also (in far too few cases for my liking), they’re your boss; they’re your doctor; they’re your lawyer. And in 50% of cases they’re YOU.

 

It’s time to meet today’s guest, and despite recent public-health warnings, I won’t be washing my hands after going to the toilet, or indeed ever again, after shaking hands with the beautiful Jules O’Brian.

 

Coming from Tamworth and not relying on a man for her damn-worth, Jules is fit, fierce and forgivably mistaken for being in her thirties (not the case though). On top of all of this, she is fucking funny.

 

From working in the corporate world, to being a teacher, Jules has done it all (well, mainly those two things) and now she’s trying her soft, lovely hands at comedy.

 

“It’s fair to say you’ve lived a life, Jules,” I said. “What made you want to do comedy at this late stage of it, the eleventh hour if you will?”

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“Are you calling me old, Eric?” She replied.

 

“Ermm… I…. No?”

 

“Listen,” she said, like she was addressing a delinquent student after class, the tension between them palpable, their hot, stuffy uniforms the only thing stopping the whole thing from turning into an animalistic duel between two mammals of full sexual maturity. “When a woman gets to a certain age, society starts to think she can’t do things anymore. They’re completely discarded; they’re not allowed to start new projects like men are. They’re expected to just fade away from everything.”

 

“Right, okay,” I said. “I’d never want you to fade away, Jules.”

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“But I have things to say,” she said, ignoring me. “I have experiences and opinions and I want to get it all out there. I’ve got so many things I wanna do and I don’t need anyone’s permission to start doing them.”

 

“You’re so right Jules,” I said, starting to nervously fiddle with my hands. “And I guess… you’re right about like age being a number or whatever… and I was… well I was thinking… I know there’s a bit of a gap, but like if you ever wanted to get another drink sometime… like a proper one… well, I’d love that… I’d be well up for it.”

 

There was a silence. A gap in the conversation that seemed to last forever, like that gap between sitting your exams and waiting for your A-level results. My future was resting on it.

 

“No, Eric. No.”

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Tune in next time! X

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