It’s been about a quarter of a year since I last wrote a blog and I worry that I haven’t really progressed much as a person since then: I’ve started using facial wipes so I have slightly nicer skin, but I’m also slightly more depressed now, meaning the positive effect of the nice skin is outweighed by the resentment and bitterness that it encases. It’s not all bad though and there have been some good things to happen in my life recently, for example Tesco have started to include Snickers Duos in the £3 meal deal. This means I’m getting twice as much chocolate for my money, so I’m laughing all the way to the bank – to get more money to buy more chocolate with, so I can be less sad for a bit.
I think being happy takes a lot of effort as well, there’s an awful lot of work involved with achieving your goals and acquiring a fulfilling job; whereas consuming junk food provides instant satisfaction – it seems easier to just comfort eat until Channel 5 take a punt on making a documentary about you. I’m not even sure there’s such thing as a fulfilling career anyway. I think we want to get to certain positions because we think it will make us seem important to other people, but in actual fact it won’t live up to expectation. I play a lot of FIFA because I find being hugely successful in something that doesn’t matter to anyone else more rewarding than being marginally successful at something that’s arbitrarily deemed more important. I like the fact that whether you’re winning the Champions League on a PlayStation assembled by an overworked child in China, or whether you’re employed in a prominent position in a financial system that ensures that whiny Chinese kid knows his fucking place, you’ll be just as fundamentally alone.*
I’ve noticed that I’ve been getting quite easily annoyed by things recently. It’s not proportional as well, everything seems to get an equal share of my anger – I have as much hatred for ISIS, a deadly group of terrorists, as I do for anyone who’s ever participated in Throwback Thursday. ISIS are running rampant at the moment and they have the arrogance of a recently crowned X Factor winner – making terrible videos and fucking everyone they come into contact with. Evil groups have been defeated before and history indicates that they will eventually be overcome. There’s something sad about their inevitable insignificance, whenever someone is catapulted to fame and then starts to fail, I always feel a bit sorry for them because I know they’ve got used to having a certain lifestyle – that’s why I’m so pleased Shane Ward has finally found his feet on Coronation Street after so many years in the wilderness.
A lot of my anger has been directed at George Osborne lately because he seems to get off on the plight of poor people. His budgets are becoming more and more cruel and it’s like he has a fetish that he has to keep taking further – his next budget will involve him introducing a wheelchair tax whilst wanking over the shattered dreams of the next generation.
I did a gig in Liverpool the other day. I’m not as scared of doing stand up as I used to be, so I decided to get on the train without buying a ticket to try and get that pre-gig rush back. Riding the train without a ticket is great and I think it’s something everyone should try: when it goes badly, you feel ashamed and embarrassed and it feels as though everyone is judging you; but when it goes well, you feel elated and fulfilled and you realise it’s all you’ve ever wanted to do. Anyway, I didn’t get caught and the gig was good.
That’s about it.
Cya x
*I don’t know if Chinese kids actually make PlayStations. I could do some research, but I can’t be bothered.
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