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Scouting for Originality

Updated: Jul 2, 2020

I’ve been worrying about my lack of ambition a lot this week: I want to be able to tell people about all the things I want to do, it’s just I don’t want to do anything. I just spend most days lying in bed watching YouTube videos, hoping that it will somehow make me a more interesting person. I mainly watch things I’ve already seen as well because I’m frightened of the unpredictable; I can’t even bring myself to upgrade to IOS 9 – I’m worried the newly-improved Siri might suddenly start thinking I’m a bit of a prick.

Eric: Hey Siri, call Mum please.

Siri: No.

Eric: What? Why?

Siri: Do it yourself you lazy prick. She probably doesn’t even want to speak to you.

You’re not even that funny, all your blogs are basically the same – you’re the Scouting for Girls of blog writing. All you do is write about what happened to you on the train.

Anyway, I fell in love with this girl on the train on the way to my gig in Burton upon Trent last week. She was sat opposite me and I thought she looked really nice, and she was reading a book about human rights which meant she was probably a nice person too (unless she was a Tory voter reading it ironically). I didn’t have the confidence to speak to her though; when I see girls I’m attracted to I normally just look at my feet, that’s why I’ve got bad posture – I keep seeing girls I like. Even if we started chatting, what’s the best that could’ve happened? I could’ve gotten her name and then messaged her on Facebook, but then she probably wouldn’t reply and I’d end up feeling like Stan from the Eminem song “Stan”.

I never feel like a real man when I’m in these situations, I feel like a 12 year old who’s allowed to drink alcohol because he looks sad. I started reading to distract myself.  I’ve been trying to read my way out of loneliness  a lot recently; although, I’ve been mainly reading about global warming, so now I just keep thinking about how sweaty I’m going to be while I’m dying alone.

The train reached my stop so I had to get off. I felt sad that it was over. Maybe I’ll see her on Tinder one day*. God I’m pathetic.

The gig in Burton was a bit weird. The crowd was full of drunk people and before I went on I was worrying that they’d just start throwing things at me – I thought I’d probably have to shield my eyes to avoid all the glasses being hurled in my direction. I didn’t even care if the gig went well, I was just hoping I’d still be able to perceive depth afterwards. The gig was actually alright though and the crowd weren’t as bad as I’d feared. In fact I was feeling so good about it that I bought a large hot chocolate on the way home to drink on the train; I have hot chocolate at my house, I just prefer the taste when I’m in transit.

I did a couple of gigs in London as well this week. One went bad and the other was slightly better. I don’t have much else to say about it.

Anyway, that’s about it.

Cya x

*I don’t actually have Tinder, I’m too scared, and , from what I’ve heard about it, it sounds like it’s something for people who already know how to have sex.



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