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Craig Dixon

Originally not aired on ??/??/????

2018 is drawing to a close and I know a lot of you feel sorry for me. You think, Ooh, Eric’s had a bad year. Eric’s really struggling. Eric’s hopes and aspirations are crumbling to dust, clinging to him like the disgusting flecks of dandruff perpetually sprinkled across his shoulders, providing him with nothing but public humiliation yet unable to be fully shaken off.


And yeah, you’re right, I suppose I did have a bad year.


Let’s think of some of the bad things that happened this year, shall we?


Well firstly, I made lots of new friends from all different walks of life. Which I guess is pretty sad!


I wrote more than I’ve ever written before, developing not only my voice but my sense of style and narrative structure. Another one for the negative column!


I did my first ever solo show at the Edinburgh Fringe, which was a dream of mine when I first started doing comedy. Pretty terrible that I finally achieved it!


I moved out of my mum’s, got a job that I really enjoy and now have the independence and financial security to fully pursue my goals. Oh God this is starting to get bleak!


And I suppose saddest of all is that I kissed 6 DIFFERENT GIRLS this year.

Someone get the violins out!


So yeah, sure, Eric had a bad year – you keep telling yourself that, mate.


Fuck the haters.


Anyway, the thing I’m most proud of achieving this year is that I’ve managed to change the podcasting game for good. When I first started this project, I was absolutely convinced nobody would listen to it. And thankfully I was proven right. You guys have understood what this podcast is all about from the start.


However, somewhat disappointingly, my final guest of 2018 is the underwhelming Craig Dixon. I wanted to get an established pro to end 2018 on, but because a lot of them are busy doing lucrative New Year’s Eve gigs tonight, I had to settle for someone who I knew would definitely be free.


Craig has been gigging for around a year now and has failed to achieve anything whatsoever really. He’s a good guy, and I enjoy his company a lot, but sometimes it depresses me that I see his talentless face so much. There’s been a huge amount of buzz around me on the West Midlands circuit for around 18 months now, yet I’m still doing gigs with people like Craig. It worries me that I’m not progressing like I should be.


“Don’t you think it’s weird that we’re friends, Craig? Shouldn’t I be above you at this point?”


“Well, Eric,” he said. “I think it’s important to remember that we’re all just trying our best, we’re all doing this to express ourselves, and none of us are any better or any worse than anybody else. No one has the right to elevate themselves above others. Especially someone who has a tally chart of how many girls they’ve kissed.”


It was an extremely wise and accurate point. And I’m gonna try my best to remember it in 2019.


See you next year guys! xxx

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