There once was a boy called Jonathan. He was 16 years’ old and he was happy. That’s how everyone would describe Jonathan: happy. He was...

I have a gig tonight. A stand-up comedy gig. The gig is in a place near Derby. To be more specific, Belper. To be less specific, England....

I’m in Heaven. I’ve been here for like a million years now – 1,220,245 years and 9 days, to be precise. All there is to do here is count...

I went on a date today. It was with a girl from Manchester. 20 years’ old I reckon she must’ve been. You know the kind of girl I’m...

Nah mate. Rhys has just texted me asking if I wanna go The Sugarmill. There’re only two problems: The Sugarmill is a nightclub; and Rhys...

I can’t remember how to make a cup of tea. I just can’t fucking remember. I look at the cup. It needs a tea bag in there, that’s for...

It’s Christmas Eve, babe. I’m in Wetherspoon’s with people I know from school. I got talking to an old man at the bar earlier and he said...

Sometimes when I’m in counselling I feel like I’m trying to win something. I chip away at my counsellor, finding new angles and new ways...

Same dream again. Dunno what to do. Getting silly now. Maybe if I have a Twix for breakfast, the problem will be solved. At least I’ll be...

“Business as usual, then.” The resentment Joss has for me in this moment couldn’t be more clear. We’re playing FIFA. I’ve just beaten him...

You’re not an idiot, Eric. You just lost concentration. My brain has been trying its hardest to be positive recently. But as I feel the...

Sat on the sofa, munching on my cornflakes, I thought to myself: maybe this could be my day. It was Saturday, and things seemed promising...