The Boy Who Took All The World’s Suffering
There once was a boy called Jonathan. He was 16 years’ old and he was happy. That’s how everyone would describe Jonathan: happy. He was...
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- Sep 27, 2018
- 9 min
The Hero’s Journey
I have a gig tonight. A stand-up comedy gig. The gig is in a place near Derby. To be more specific, Belper. To be less specific, England....
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- Jul 2, 2018
- 9 min
God Is Doing My Head In
I’m in Heaven. I’ve been here for like a million years now – 1,220,245 years and 9 days, to be precise. All there is to do here is count...
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- Apr 24, 2018
- 9 min
I Went On A Date
I went on a date today. It was with a girl from Manchester. 20 years’ old I reckon she must’ve been. You know the kind of girl I’m...
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- Feb 25, 2018
- 8 min
The Real Eric Rushton
Nah mate. Rhys has just texted me asking if I wanna go The Sugarmill. There’re only two problems: The Sugarmill is a nightclub; and Rhys...
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- Jan 24, 2018
- 8 min
Cup Of Ambition
I can’t remember how to make a cup of tea. I just can’t fucking remember. I look at the cup. It needs a tea bag in there, that’s for...
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- Dec 27, 2017
- 7 min
Fairytale Of New Eric
It’s Christmas Eve, babe. I’m in Wetherspoon’s with people I know from school. I got talking to an old man at the bar earlier and he said...
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- Dec 19, 2017
- 8 min
Common Ground
Sometimes when I’m in counselling I feel like I’m trying to win something. I chip away at my counsellor, finding new angles and new ways...
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- Nov 25, 2017
- 6 min
Death And Taxes (And Dreams)
Same dream again. Dunno what to do. Getting silly now. Maybe if I have a Twix for breakfast, the problem will be solved. At least I’ll be...
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- Nov 5, 2017
- 6 min
The Iron Law Of Friendship
“Business as usual, then.” The resentment Joss has for me in this moment couldn’t be more clear. We’re playing FIFA. I’ve just beaten him...
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- Oct 14, 2017
- 6 min
Don’t Look Back In Sandler
You’re not an idiot, Eric. You just lost concentration. My brain has been trying its hardest to be positive recently. But as I feel the...
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- Oct 1, 2017
- 6 min
How The Other Half Dunks
Sat on the sofa, munching on my cornflakes, I thought to myself: maybe this could be my day. It was Saturday, and things seemed promising...
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